Have to post before I forget too much of my dreams from last night. Before that, however, a brief anecdote. Hopefully my…stories are lucid, as I’m not tired as much as I am exhausted. I slept about three hours last night, followed by nine hours of work, so please have patience.
I won’t repeat myself too much. Although I didn’t spend last night how I originally intended, it was still quite excellent. Last night I blogged very late, and I’m not even sure what I said so I won’t bother to mention last night’s post more than I just did. I was half asleep and not entirely sober, so rereading it would likely be a very sobering experience.
Regardless, I still got home at a decent time and, since I was getting up at 8am for the gym before work, I went to bed at a reasonable time, before all my plans were ruined in some way or another.
Rather than fall asleep around 2am, I instead journeyed into one of my insane nightmare phases that are becoming harder and harder to escape; this kept me more or less awake, and haunted, until 6am, when I finally fell asleep—we will return here soon.
I wake up horribly tired at 8am, but I’m very committed and too stubborn for my own good, so I prepare for the gym followed by work. I eat and take my pre-workout supplements and do all that fun shit, and all the while my eyes are burning. Horribly. Bright red. To the point where they almost look to be bleeding. I can’t even keep my eyes open or look at anything, and it’s so painful that I’m becoming sick. In my exhaustion I didn’t bother to correlate my burning eyes to that I’m using the final drops of my contact saline solution, and the solution is not at all working as intended. Essentially, I’m shoving fire into my eyes and not bothering to put out the flames, but I’m too tired to process this, so I let the burning continue until I’m nearly blind.
And so then I decide to drive, naturally assuming nature will run its course and I’ll be fine soon enough. About two miles later I nearly crash my car because, guess what, I really can’t keep my eyes open. I’m for the most part blind, driving with my eyes shut, and so I force myself to turn around. The gym is not in my future today, and, well, I rather not die or kill someone else. Also, the pain is making me sick and I’m close to throwing up. I have an extremely high pain tolerance, so I assume this must be bad.
So I at least make one intelligent decision for the day. Quota reached.
I arrive home and remove my contacts, since I’m going to sleep for about an hour before work, and sure enough my eyes feel instantly better. Still burning, but not the oh my god I need to rip my eyes out burning. Now it’s just a numbing pain even when my eyes are shut.
And so I go back to sleep. And that’s the end of that end. My eyes still hurt, but at least the new solution is working as intended, and tonight, sleeping more than three hours will likely rest my battered eyes.
But let’s get to why I couldn’t sleep in the first place.
Dreams, so many dreams, which, as you may know, is nothing to me. I’ve brought this upon myself through practicing lucid dreaming and increasing my dream recall, so I can’t complain, and I’m not complaining, but I am sharing.
Regrettably, or perhaps thankfully, I don’t remember most of my dreams from last night, but I remember enough to still disturb me, as the overall sentiments and atmospheres were unbearably distressing.
The first dream doesn’t sound like much; it’s what I felt that bothered me. I was in my room playing my Xbox 360, a game fellow gamers may know—Borderlands. It’s an apocalyptic futuristic shooting game and one of my favorites. Anyway, I’m stuck before the game even truly begins. I’m playing on an impossibly hard mode, a mode that doesn’t even exist. I keep starting the game over and over again. My character, which quickly becomes me, begins on a deserted road all by himself. Desert to both side, seamless and flat and seemingly forever. Scorched. There is no life. And my character is limping, already half dead before I even begin. So I start playing, and slowly, I just fall to the ground and die. I take a few limping steps, fall to one knee, and die. And I do this over and over and over again, for hours, dozens of times. I just keep dying, and watching myself die. Such a pleasant dream. My subconscious is fine.
The next dream is even worse, as it woke me up and didn’t let me fall back to sleep for awhile.
So this right here, this paragraph, see it?, this all happened in real reality—An exact week ago I think, I was at my friend’s house and we were discussing scary movies. She, or maybe it was me, mentioned The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which I think is a severely underrated horror movie. We started discussing the most frightening scene, which we agreed is when Emily is at college, in her dorm room all alone, with the devil inside her, and there’s tons of contortion and whatnot. Good stuff. It’s one of those images I can’t get out of my mind to this day. Sure enough, as she’s flicking through channels, the movie is on, and not only, it’s that scene. We, of course, watch it.
I wanted to watch Masturbating School Girls 5, but noooooooo.
Flip ahead to my nightmare. No masturbating school girls. Sigh. Just one brief scene. There’s a man sitting on a park bench. He’s alone, and by alone I mean the rest of the world doesn’t exist. No ground, no sky or backdrop. Nothing. He’s wearing a tan coat with a hood, and the hood is up. His features are so normal they don’t warrant detail. He opens his mouth impossibly slow, until it’s too wide, so wide it would break in real life, and the darkest shadows I’ve ever seen begin to engulf his face. He’s screaming, silently, in horrible pain as shadows eat his face, and him, and eventually the entire nightmare fades to black.
The third dream is the worst, even though it’s not at all a traditional nightmare.
I’m at work, the package store where I put my English degree to quality use, and I’m behind the counter at the register. I turn around to ring someone up, and that someone happens to be a friend who likes to haunt my dreams—that unresolved conflict thing, so at least I sort of know why this keeps happening. Far too often. In the dream I know she’s not 21, so I shouldn’t be selling her anything, yet I just stand there like an idiot as we make small talk—the smallest talk possible. How are you? Good. How are you? I’m okay, alive. You look good. Yeah. Thanks. You too. Yeah. Yeah. Not much considering the circumstances. Do you have any blueberry syrup?
Wait, what? Yes, asks if we have any blueberry syrup, and for some reason I’m sure we do, only when I walk around the store looking for this syrup, it’s nowhere to be found and I can’t but feel like I’m letting her down, and this is familiar and not at all new, although I’m not sure why. Instead of working, I’m just fumbling around and staring at her and trying to talk, wanting to talk, and then, suddenly, there’s a blizzard outside. The blizzard of the century, the entire world in a whiteout.
I still don’t really care. I’m just trying to talk to her.
And my friend Mike comes in from outside insisting we leave with him, or else we’ll be stranded here forever and starve.
I agree, but only because my friend who I haven’t seen or spoken to in so long also agrees, and together we follow Mike out the door, and the next thing I know we’re in his car. She and I are in the front seat, and for some reason Mike is in the backseat…where he’s driving the car by a system of ropes and levers tied to the steering wheel. No one is talking, as no one is sure what to say, and when I want to say so much, and do so much, there’s only silence and inaction, and snow outside. The entire world buried beneath snow. At one point the car nearly flips, and Mike in the backseat laughs wildly as my friend and I just stare through the windows, into the white.
I had more dreams, many more, but they’re not substantial enough to record, and seeing as this blog is somewhat of my dream journal that I share with the world, I rather not waste time and space—the internet is lacking space, of course. And so, between, these threes very vivid dreams and more, I only slept a few hours last night. The rest I spent in these dreams, and half awake thinking of these dreams, and fully awake haunted by these dreams, and so on and so on.
Overall, a decent night.
I have a headache.
No comments:
Post a Comment