The Badger-May We Never Forget

            With yesterday’s blog being a smashing success, my friend pointed out the one major flaw that likely left many people wondering. Where was the mention of badgers (Taxidea taxus) and their effect on our current ecosystem? As you must know, badgers maintain our planet’s balance worldwide through stabilizing the ecology while providing a near flawless bionetwork upon which we survive and prosper. Let’s take a gander at a few fun facts pertaining to our furry friend.

·        Badgers, like the tyrannosaurus, are carnivores and are equally fearsome

·        Badgers have no predators, as they fuck shit up hardcore-like

·        Due to their superior intelligence, when the ecosystem unbalances, badgers systematically destroy whatever animal or plant is causing the unbalance

·        Badgers are adorable but not to cuddled; they hate nothing more than cuddling and are never afraid to tear the throat out of the cuddler

·        Badgers make excellent ambassadors

·        Badgers have an unnaturally long lifespan, ranging from 300-2000 years, and have existed since the dawn of time—they were once known as the “Time Keepers” and were thought to control time itself. Such facts are represented in ancient hieroglyphics as well as various passages of the Bible and similar holy texts

·        Contrary to popular misconceptions, badgers are not nocturnal. They, in fact, never sleep, but rather stoically guard the world against all perils

Now that you’re well educated—I’m sure you were already, as these are badgers we’re talking about—we can discuss their effect on our current ecosystem. However, no one wants to rehash facts that are common knowledge. That would seem too much like a textbook, and this is a blog, and blogs are fun fun fun—if you repeat the same word multiple times, its meaning is multiplied in importance and truth; this may or may not be a reoccurring theme.

That said, let’s hear it for our friend—and quite possibly our savior—the badger, as he scurries across the world, pawing his way to victory. In honor of the badger, I wrote this poem.

The badger is a helpful friend of which

not you or I compare. His nails are sharp

and fur is sleek, and his eyes, how they stare!

He saves our world against all odds through strength

and wisdom true. Without our friend we’d all

just die, and that would not be cool.